I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
