The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
