2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
FUCK WHALES
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
