I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
even my farts smell like vagina
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize