hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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