He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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