pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
