At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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