it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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