I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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