i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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