I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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