Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
