he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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