bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
