he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
