I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We need to rekindle our bromance
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
