i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
