so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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