All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
