my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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