Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
