they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
