so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
