You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
