She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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