There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I checked into jail on foursquare
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
