I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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