I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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