hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
