I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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