so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
