chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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