I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
