sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
