i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I love you. Go after that dick
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
