She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
