Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
