As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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