In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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