i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
