was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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