sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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