What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have aggressive nipples.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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