You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize