you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
