Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
