What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
