shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
