2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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