Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
