Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize