mondays should just be called national damage control day
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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