I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
