So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
