he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
