Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
