I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
