I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Mom said you looked used
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize