I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
