and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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