i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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