thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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