Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
