did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
