He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
