I'm lost and stupid without you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
