How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
