I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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