Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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