If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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