I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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