I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
