But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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