is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
